Fifteen Things for 2015

With the New Year, I was inspired to write a blog entry, something I haven’t done for a while. Then I couldn’t think of a topic, so I will just post some information and reminders about me and the house-call grooming service. Fifteen things for 2015!

1. You are welcome to pre-book standing appointments, up to a year in advance. As I write this, there are already eleven appointments pre-booked for December 2015. Appointments are booking about four to six weeks in advance, so I highly recommend pre-booking as a way to avoid disappointment.
2. Easter this year is Sunday, April 5th. It moves around, and sometimes catches folks by surprise. Christmas is December 25th every time, people. I can’t help you if you forget that one. I will be taking this year’s March Break as a holiday.
3. I do my best to be on time, but I have to add this caveat. Due to the insane traffic and construction in the GTA, all appointment times have to be considered approximate. 11 a.m. has become 11-ish. I also will no longer drive in snow storms. People are maniacs.
4. You may contact me via phone, text, email, Facebook message, Twitter, or Instagram. I will always reply to you via the same method you contacted me. Technology isn’t perfect, and neither am I (I once emailed an invite to my dentist to a family gathering), so if you haven’t heard from me within a couple of business days, please get in touch again.
5. I don’t answer the phone while I’m grooming or driving but I will check messages between appointments.
6. Payment is cash, cheque, or e-Transfer. I’m not interested getting into debit or credit transactions. I can always come back if you have forgotten to get cash, so long as it is just an occasional occurrence. You all know I’m pretty relaxed about that part, as several of you have chased me down the driveway waving funds because I’ve forgotten to get paid.
7. I am pretty flexible and can groom your dog in nearly any location, provided there is a power source, and adequate light. That said, certain things do make it more difficult. A damp, cold location means that the drying process will take much longer. If the lighting is poor and I can’t see, that will affect the quality of the finished work. Try reading your vitamin bottle in certain light, you’ll see what I mean. Also, if events occur within the home that make me uncomfortable, I will be unlikely to return.
8. I have strong People-Pleasing patterns and try to accommodate everyone and make them happy, so if I say no, be assured that I really can't say yes.
9. I am not a veterinarian. I can not diagnose or give medical advice. I can only point out issues or behaviours with your dog that I think are unusual or cause for concern. I’ve seen a lot of dogs over the years, so I may have some applicable anecdote, but you should always check with your vet regarding any health issues.
10. Your vaccine protocol is between you and your veterinarian. I do not require proof of vaccines before grooming your dog. Due to this policy, I will not be able to groom aggressive or biting dogs.
11. I’m an old groomer. Did you know that at one time the average career life of a groomer was thirteen years? I’m at nearly twenty! I also crested a birthday hill with a zero in it last year and am now on the downward slope. I have a standing appointment with a massage therapist and a chiropractor so that I can move. I can no longer ignore it when I am ill and just carry on working, nor can I groom as much as I used to in a day. If I want to keep grooming until I’m eighty, I will have to pace myself. Not to mention, you really don’t want me bringing my germs to your house, sniffling all over your clean dog.
12. I am not accepting new clients at this time. Thank you for all your referrals and for thinking of me. I will let you know when I can take on new customers.
13. I often take photos of your dogs, purely for fun. Most people enjoy seeing photos of their dogs, all clean and tidy. I also have a few clients where my picture of the dog was the last photo taken before the little soul passed on. The pictures are always posted on the Pets Are People Too Facebook page. If you would like the original files, just let me know. If you don’t want photos of your dog either taken at all, or posted on Facebook, just let me know. I’ll be sad though, just saying.
14. 
    I currently own three dogs that were adopted from clients, given up for various reasons. I call them my little hand-me-downs. I am also listed in two wills as the beneficiary of their dogs, should the worst occur. I love your dogs like they were family. Although I honestly can’t keep adopting more dogs, if you are client and something should happen in your life and you can’t keep your pet, please let me know. I will do my best to help, and I am acquainted with several wonderful local rescues. Similarly, if you are looking to add a new family member, the rescue groups are a great place to start. If you would like to be involved with dogs but aren’t able to permanently add another to your household, most of the rescues are desperate for volunteers and foster homes. I also live about a five minute drive from the Humane Society of Durham Region. If you have any items that you would like to donate, I can pick them up from you and drop them off at the shelter.
15. I only know the best people. I have been shown so much kindness and generosity over the years, and I am deeply grateful. Thank you for everything, and have a wonderful 2015.

The Return of Supergroomer

The Supergroomer believes that I can lift and move nearly everything I encounter, dogs and furniture especially. She is responsible for my getting stuck on the stairs with a full sized mattress, although I have to say that I could have made it all the way up if the mattress had had a decent handle in a reasonable location.

Since Supergroomer scorns assistance, I have picked up many big dogs without help. I have found that with good form, most dogs can be lifted onto the table or into the tub. I actually tend to lift almost all dogs this way, regardless of their size. Standing perpendicular to the dog, facing its side, I will bend my knees and squat. I reach one arm under the dog’s chest, between the front legs, and place my hand on the shoulder. The other arm reaches under the dog’s abdomen, between the hind legs. I hug the dog to me closely to prevent wiggling and stand up, keeping the dog’s spine level. It is important to bend the knees and not deadlift the dog. It is also vital to avoid twisting and turning. For the dog, a level and close to the body hold will keep them calm and safe.

Beware a panicky dog who still attempts to wiggle and flip around while you are holding them. The torque can cause you to twist your spine. A “helper” dog can also give a little hop, jarring your spine or giving you an accidental headbutt. A very well-behaved dog will often offer to put its front feet up on the table or tub edge. If the dog cooperates and doesn’t change her mind because she thinks it’s funny, you can lift up her back end. Remember to bend your knees.

When I lift or carry a particularly big dog in this way I usually hear a chorus of, “No wonder you have a bad back!” It is true, I do suffer from sciatica and pinched nerves in my shoulder and neck. I would like to point out that the neck and shoulder issues actually come from scissoring and brushing. The sciatica is entirely my son’s fault. I did not develop my back problems until I was a pregnant groomer.

The horrible hormones of pregnancy cause a woman’s joints and ligaments to loosen up and, I suspect, mutate. (I did not enjoy pregnancy, not one little bit.) Loose joints were combined with the lifting, bending, stretching and twisting that normally accompanies grooming, but now occurring with a belly in the way, and the ever increasing weight of my son bouncing happily on my sciatic nerve. One of the most miserable experiences of my pregnancy was not with a large dog, but sitting hunched over my belly trying to groom two tiny little Yorkshire Terriers that I couldn’t quite reach. I ended up with quite a painful back problem that did not abate once my son was born. I tried chiropractic care and it did help somewhat, but I decided to reduce the number of large dogs I was grooming.

On a day when I was running the mobile grooming business and my son was about two years old, I stopped by to have lunch with him at my mother’s house. I bent to pick him up, a little sideways I guess, the way you do when you are going to swing the child up on to your hip, and WHAM! Something snapped in my low back. I actually managed to carefully put my son back down, and then I hit the ground in considerable pain.

Because Supergroomer believes in keeping a stiff upper lip, rub dirt on it, keep the blood flowing, and all that stupid stuff, I finished grooming my scheduled dogs for the day. I’m not sure how, because the mobile vehicle had quite a big step up to get in the back. I went home, took many pills and went to bed. The next day I could barely move. I couldn’t groom for about a week. I could barely do anything for about a week. I couldn’t get in and out of the truck. Going to the bathroom required a serious commitment because it hurt so much to sit down and get up. My husband offered to get barbeque tongs so that I could pull up my pants. I got stuck in our big claw-foot bathtub because I couldn’t make the big step out.

Grooming is very hard on the body and mind. Supergroomer makes it harder. I really have learned from my experiences though I still lift big dogs and my son, who has grown much larger. I listen to my body, and try to keep it strong and fit with yoga, running, and strength training. And I buy a lot of Advil.

Supergroomer

Let me be clear. The Supergroomer is not a classic heroic character. She is usually an antihero, and occasionally a villain. A delusion of heroism that crops up in my mind from time to time, the Supergroomer encourages me to attempt actions that are clearly unwise or beyond my capabilities. She is responsible for most of my physical injuries and definitely for my mental burnout. It is the Supergroomer who says “Yes” when the answer should be “NO WAY”. She can be both the angel and devil on my shoulder, whispering mad ideas mixed with genius so that I cannot tell the difference.

It was the Supergroomer who agreed to groom an enormous Newfoundland on a day when she knew I had no assistant coming in to the shop.

“He is so well behaved,” she said. “You can do it by yourself.”

The dog did have exquisite manners and, like the gentleman he was, heaved himself up and put his front paws on the edge of the raised bathtub. “See! You only have to lift half of him,” the Supergroomer said. With a mighty grunt, like the hammer throwers at the Olympics or that notorious tennis player, I managed to heft the back end of the giant dog up and into the tub. There were lights, purple and red lights, that exploded into my vision along with some serious dizziness and a little disorientation. But he was up there.

I phoned my husband. “What percentage of your body weight are you supposed to be able to lift without killing yourself?” I asked.

“Why? What did you do now?” he said.

“Nothing, nothing. I’m just curious.”

Once my breath returned, I bathed the Newf and used the high velocity dryer to blow out most of the moisture in his coat. Then I tried to get him out of the tub. “Down is easier than up,” said Supergroomer. “Gravity, you know.”

The Newfoundland knew about gravity too. He was big enough that he generated his own field. No matter what I tried, I could not get him to put his front legs on the edge of the tub. Because he was raised up, and incredibly heavy, I couldn’t lift him over the edge myself. Then he had enough. He lay down and I was toast. Practically in tears, I phoned my Dad. “Could you please come over and help me lift a dog?”

My folks lived close by, so the Newf hung out in the tub for a short time while we waited for Dad to arrive. “Holy crap!” he cried. “I thought you needed help lifting a dog up! How did you get that thing up there by yourself?”

The two of us wrestled the dog out of the tub, and I saw those fireworks again. Amazingly, my heart did not explode, nor did I get a hernia. But not from lack of trying.

Artwork is trademarked by Chris Cowley, Windchill Studios